Q: I have recently split up with my professional footballer husband. I found out he had been secretly texting other girls behind my back. The texts were very explicit and sexual, not only did my rat of a husband send photos of himself in various stages of undress to these women but I believe he has met up with some of them for sex. Since telling him to leave I feel totally miserable and terrified of being on my own as a single girl.

I know I am doing the right thing by trying to move on with my life, we have no children to add to the emotional turmoil, but I still feel a total wreck. I can’t eat and have lost a lot of weight through the stress of it all. My job as a singer takes me away from home a lot and at the moment, when I am away I feel that I want to stay there and not come back to face all the painful humiliation. He keeps asking for us to go to counselling, inferring that i am somehow to blame as to why he cant keep it in his pants.

How do I cope with this feeling of loss and despair?

Cheryl

A: What a pig he is, you are well rid of him. Saying that, I understand how hard and brave the decision can be to actually end a relationship or a marriage. I am sure all of your friends and family have told you to ditch the cheating scumbag. But in your heart no matter what he has done you can’t just turn off the love like a tap. Emotions are still very raw, before you knew what he has been up to you probably assumed that your marriage was going from strength to strength. In an instant all your plans for a future together have come crashing around you, trust me I feel your pain. As for him asking for you both to see a counceller, he is just trying to turn this all around by suggesting you are partly at fault. He knows you are at your lowest ebb and in his mind this is the last throw of the dice. Do you honestly in your heart think he will ever change? If you do you are just fooling yourself. You are 100% not to blame for his actions no matter how he tries to twist things.

There are plenty of women who choose for one reason or another to carry on being with their partner after they have found out their partner has been unfaithful. For some it is the easier option to take as they try to forgive, but most likely never forget. Sometimes the thought of being on their own is too scary to contemplate. As you said at least you don’t have any children who can often be used in a break-up as an emotional point scoring war (think Jordan and Peter Andre)

Sex texting behind the back of the other half seems to be raising its ugly head more and more just recently. Like any kind of seduction technique they may start as harmless fun in the eye of the couple texting each other, but can soon turn into a whirlwind of sexual desires. Although it is wrong, whatever the reason, sometimes it starts simply through boredom, other times because of relationship problems, or on the other hand their might not actually be anything wrong in the relationship but the sex-ter has a sex drive they just cant control.

Before they even realise things are starting to get out of hand, the ante has been raised as they begin to get transfixed with excitement as the messages become saucier and shots of intimate body parts are exchanged. As boundary lines are well and truly crossed sexual fantasies can reach such extremes that the thought of possibly being caught go out the window. And as in your ex-husband case the whole dangerous scenario turns into a runaway train until the inevitable happens.

I am in know way excusing your ex’s actions, he has bought this all on himself and has to live with the consequences. For whatever version he may have told you, only he will truly know his reasons why he chose to play a game he could never win. He has lost a loyal and loving wife and all for what?

It is now up to you to slowly but surely rebuild your life and move forward, I know at the moment your head will be spinning with so many negative thoughts, but time and support from your close family and friends will gradually ease your pain.

Please read my advice about getting over a break up, be strong and good luck for the future.