Why do I find sex such a pain?
Q: I am a 19 year old girl and have had two serious relationships in the last 2 years, but with both boyfriends I still haven’t been able to enjoy full sexual intercourse. With my first boyfriend we did try full penetration but it didn’t happen.
I don’t think I was aroused enough and still quite dry, his attempt in entering me was painful and impossible. We eventually split up because of this reason, without ever having sex.
When I got in to my second relationship, oral sex was fine but once again full sex was a let down, he said I was too tight to enter.
The strange thing is I can orgasm without any problem using a vibrator for my own self-pleasure.
Why am I having such trouble in having a full sexual relationship?
It seems like I will stay a virgin forever unless there is an answer to why this is happening to me.
A: Although I am not a qualified doctor by the sound of it you may well have a condition called vaginismus. What happens in these cases is that the muscles that surround the vagina go into spasm each time the vagina is penetrated.
There can be a number of reasons why a woman develops vaginismus, but in my experience in talking to other girls who portray the same symptoms as yourself it is a mental condition rather than physical. All types of scenarios can trigger vaginismus including past abuse (sexual or otherwise) a former bad sexual experience that has sub-consciously stayed with you, or just by being fed negative ideas about sex when growing up.
On the positive side there are ways to overcome this and
the fact that you can achieve orgasm alone is an encouraging sign.
To be honest your first step is to find the right boyfriend for you, whom you feel comfortable with and able to trust.
When you are ready to engage in sexual activities get yourself in a relaxed mood by asking your lover to give you a whole body massage. Take your time (weeks even) before moving on to heavy petting and finally oral sex. Only when you feel you are ready and fully aroused should you attempt sexual intercourse.
If for any reason this fails then you might want to visit a psychosexual doctor, someone who will not only examine you but also listen to your sexual background.
A woman specialist will help you un-earth your underlying emotions and unlock the problem that is causing your problem as well as teaching you various methods of relaxation to enjoy a fulfilling sex life.
To help you in your sexual journey you may want to read my article like a virgin it gives plenty of tips and advice in preparing you for the first time you have sex.
Good luck, I know this will all work out for you in the very near future.
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